So strange... the world of the internet. Seems like no one, and everyone, sees what is out here. What do we call our desire to have everyone we know (and people we don't know) hear our thoughts, see our photos, know our movements? isn't it some kind of giant ego trip to think that 689 "friends" care what you had for lunch, or where you are right now??
I waffle regularly between feeling certain no one will ever read this, to wishing I knew anyone who cared about reading it.

My pen fetish is officially out of control. I have to get busy and complete some storage containers for my wonderful and exotic and wildly growing collection of pens.
I am afraid to count them. But even the ones that don't rate as favorites are cooler than any you would find on the average office desk. And I am not very exclusive... even ball point pens can make the grade if they are cool enough in color or shape or some other feature. I even have some that light up.
But fountain pens are totally the bomb. Especially when you have wildly colored ink inside them.

I think color completely rules my life. It is almost always on my mind. It is a serious consideration in any decision in which it is an option. Every day we are surrounded by color in our environment, either by choice or by default. Green grass, blue sky, brown leather seats, polka-dotted curtains, red sweater.
People who choose white or black (or beige) must be missing an important chemical in their brains.

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade...away.

Tryin to break my heart? well it's broke
Tryin to hang me high? well I'm choked
Tryin to rain on me? well I'm soaked. Soaked to the skin.
It's the end where I begin.. It's the end where I begin.

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes...
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away.

Interesting. the way song lyrics show up in your life. To show you that someone else has already been there...

Okay...

so I don't keep up with my blog very well. I didn't count on how much being divorced would derail my life/brain. I have some days when I am motivated and get alot done, but lately I have been having a hard time caring about anything, and spending alot of time staring and sleeping. I have been advised that I am going through the grieving process, just as though someone has died... and since he has moved to FL it is essentially the same thing. I will never see him again. Which is maybe a good thing.... don't have to worry about running into him at the grocery or someplace. But its still a gaping hole in your life that makes you feel lost. I try to fill up my calendar with stuff so I won't be sitting in front of the tube every night... it helps... some. I keep thinking I should be doing better by now... but everything still seems kina pointless.

I haven't been able to do much creatively as you might guess. I have forced myself to participate in a couple of stamp club swaps, just to make myself finish something. But mostly I go to the craft table and just stare at everything. My muse is on indefinite leave of absence. I have some ideas inside my head, its just getting them out... getting focused enough to concentrate on the "doing" part. I need my art to start bringing in some money too... that would be nice. I am going slowly broke as I try to live in my house by myself. Expenses keep exceeding earnings. I feel like I am standing on a cliff edge where a strong gust will blow me into the bottomless ravine.

Time seems to have slowed down like the slow motion replay in football. On the one hand it seems like May just started last week... and its over already. Maybe because it was just a string of identical days that all blurred together. On the other hand I can hardly remember what it was like having someone here alla time. seems like eons ago. Has it really only been 7 months? seems sooo much longer. And I'm starting to look old and tired too. That will really help the situation.

Pray for my sanity

HNY

So - here we are... 2010.
2009 pretty much sucked... so good riddance.
Although I am now a divorced old lady with two cats, an old house and an old car... and no prospects. Great. Happy New Year.

I have been so derailed by the whole last 6 months, that it's been about that long since I put my hand to any type of artwork. I just go in there and stare at all my supplies and feel lost. My muse has moved to Brazil and left no forwarding address.
I gave my sister a blank sweatshirt for Christmas, so I could put applique letters on it like one she saw while we were shopping. I at least have that project almost finished.... and it's lookin pretty cool if I do say so myself.
Had to replace the desk lamp that lights the sewing machine so I could finish it, but tonight it's too cold to go in there to work on it. I am sooo ready for spring!

Facebook is all the rage, but it' s really just a game spot for me cuz I don't think anyone reads any of that stuff. Except maybe my Dad. My email is mostly full of junk. Home group was down to 4 people this last time.... and the singles group at church seems to be asleep at the wheel - but its only going 25 mph anyway so no danger there.
Course if I didn't have church and choir I would prolly be in a rubber room right now... or on some sort of nice medication.... tho there are days when those meds sound pretty good....
It seems like it would be so much easier if I just had some sort of good reason why all this has happened. I've got nothing. Bupkus...He's certainly not a bank robber.... or a genius...Maybe he was a cheater... maybe he met someone and didn't want anyone to know....maybe he decided he was gay... maybe he's a closet porn addict.... Too bad he was such a prideful loser he couldn't talk to anyone about whatever it was.. even the one person who loved him beyond all else.