Okay...

so I don't keep up with my blog very well. I didn't count on how much being divorced would derail my life/brain. I have some days when I am motivated and get alot done, but lately I have been having a hard time caring about anything, and spending alot of time staring and sleeping. I have been advised that I am going through the grieving process, just as though someone has died... and since he has moved to FL it is essentially the same thing. I will never see him again. Which is maybe a good thing.... don't have to worry about running into him at the grocery or someplace. But its still a gaping hole in your life that makes you feel lost. I try to fill up my calendar with stuff so I won't be sitting in front of the tube every night... it helps... some. I keep thinking I should be doing better by now... but everything still seems kina pointless.

I haven't been able to do much creatively as you might guess. I have forced myself to participate in a couple of stamp club swaps, just to make myself finish something. But mostly I go to the craft table and just stare at everything. My muse is on indefinite leave of absence. I have some ideas inside my head, its just getting them out... getting focused enough to concentrate on the "doing" part. I need my art to start bringing in some money too... that would be nice. I am going slowly broke as I try to live in my house by myself. Expenses keep exceeding earnings. I feel like I am standing on a cliff edge where a strong gust will blow me into the bottomless ravine.

Time seems to have slowed down like the slow motion replay in football. On the one hand it seems like May just started last week... and its over already. Maybe because it was just a string of identical days that all blurred together. On the other hand I can hardly remember what it was like having someone here alla time. seems like eons ago. Has it really only been 7 months? seems sooo much longer. And I'm starting to look old and tired too. That will really help the situation.

Pray for my sanity