time for the yearly post

Ha Ha!! looks like I only remember my blog in the middle of the summer once a year!
I originally thought I would be posting art here, and words of wisdom from my divorced life. Yeah, I don't have any of either one.

2011 has sucked a big one so far! I will not bore you with the details. No one really wants to hear bad news. I have managed to survive it all, but the stress is taking its toll on me. I sleep too much, and I have lost my art, for worrying about the roof over my head...(literally) and I am a terrible procrastinator. I still have my two cats, who are the only ones who really love me. if I didn't have them to hug, I would just wither up and die. I am totally spoiled after 20 years to having a boy around, for all the boy things.. car things, heavy things, tool things, yard/bug/dirt things. (not mentioning the obvious other things). I spend alot of my time trying to do all those things myself, or trying to figure out how to get someone else to help me do them. And I can't seem to figure out the food thing. I still end up with more food in the house than I can eat by myself...just out of habit, I guess, after 20 years of shopping for 2.

I used to have alot more days when I felt pretty alright, more positive.. but those days seem to be getting fewer and farther between. I really try not to be depressed, but it's a struggle for me, when so many things go wrong and the bank account is so often empty. It just makes me want to go to sleep.. when I am asleep I am not divorced, not out of shape and not broke. I look like a Barbie, am sparkling and witty, work out to my Zumba DVD's in my exercise room, and a movie star is madly in love with me. Who wouldn't want to sleep forever??

So strange... the world of the internet. Seems like no one, and everyone, sees what is out here. What do we call our desire to have everyone we know (and people we don't know) hear our thoughts, see our photos, know our movements? isn't it some kind of giant ego trip to think that 689 "friends" care what you had for lunch, or where you are right now??
I waffle regularly between feeling certain no one will ever read this, to wishing I knew anyone who cared about reading it.

My pen fetish is officially out of control. I have to get busy and complete some storage containers for my wonderful and exotic and wildly growing collection of pens.
I am afraid to count them. But even the ones that don't rate as favorites are cooler than any you would find on the average office desk. And I am not very exclusive... even ball point pens can make the grade if they are cool enough in color or shape or some other feature. I even have some that light up.
But fountain pens are totally the bomb. Especially when you have wildly colored ink inside them.

I think color completely rules my life. It is almost always on my mind. It is a serious consideration in any decision in which it is an option. Every day we are surrounded by color in our environment, either by choice or by default. Green grass, blue sky, brown leather seats, polka-dotted curtains, red sweater.
People who choose white or black (or beige) must be missing an important chemical in their brains.

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade...away.

Tryin to break my heart? well it's broke
Tryin to hang me high? well I'm choked
Tryin to rain on me? well I'm soaked. Soaked to the skin.
It's the end where I begin.. It's the end where I begin.

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes...
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away.

Interesting. the way song lyrics show up in your life. To show you that someone else has already been there...

Okay...

so I don't keep up with my blog very well. I didn't count on how much being divorced would derail my life/brain. I have some days when I am motivated and get alot done, but lately I have been having a hard time caring about anything, and spending alot of time staring and sleeping. I have been advised that I am going through the grieving process, just as though someone has died... and since he has moved to FL it is essentially the same thing. I will never see him again. Which is maybe a good thing.... don't have to worry about running into him at the grocery or someplace. But its still a gaping hole in your life that makes you feel lost. I try to fill up my calendar with stuff so I won't be sitting in front of the tube every night... it helps... some. I keep thinking I should be doing better by now... but everything still seems kina pointless.

I haven't been able to do much creatively as you might guess. I have forced myself to participate in a couple of stamp club swaps, just to make myself finish something. But mostly I go to the craft table and just stare at everything. My muse is on indefinite leave of absence. I have some ideas inside my head, its just getting them out... getting focused enough to concentrate on the "doing" part. I need my art to start bringing in some money too... that would be nice. I am going slowly broke as I try to live in my house by myself. Expenses keep exceeding earnings. I feel like I am standing on a cliff edge where a strong gust will blow me into the bottomless ravine.

Time seems to have slowed down like the slow motion replay in football. On the one hand it seems like May just started last week... and its over already. Maybe because it was just a string of identical days that all blurred together. On the other hand I can hardly remember what it was like having someone here alla time. seems like eons ago. Has it really only been 7 months? seems sooo much longer. And I'm starting to look old and tired too. That will really help the situation.

Pray for my sanity

HNY

So - here we are... 2010.
2009 pretty much sucked... so good riddance.
Although I am now a divorced old lady with two cats, an old house and an old car... and no prospects. Great. Happy New Year.

I have been so derailed by the whole last 6 months, that it's been about that long since I put my hand to any type of artwork. I just go in there and stare at all my supplies and feel lost. My muse has moved to Brazil and left no forwarding address.
I gave my sister a blank sweatshirt for Christmas, so I could put applique letters on it like one she saw while we were shopping. I at least have that project almost finished.... and it's lookin pretty cool if I do say so myself.
Had to replace the desk lamp that lights the sewing machine so I could finish it, but tonight it's too cold to go in there to work on it. I am sooo ready for spring!

Facebook is all the rage, but it' s really just a game spot for me cuz I don't think anyone reads any of that stuff. Except maybe my Dad. My email is mostly full of junk. Home group was down to 4 people this last time.... and the singles group at church seems to be asleep at the wheel - but its only going 25 mph anyway so no danger there.
Course if I didn't have church and choir I would prolly be in a rubber room right now... or on some sort of nice medication.... tho there are days when those meds sound pretty good....
It seems like it would be so much easier if I just had some sort of good reason why all this has happened. I've got nothing. Bupkus...He's certainly not a bank robber.... or a genius...Maybe he was a cheater... maybe he met someone and didn't want anyone to know....maybe he decided he was gay... maybe he's a closet porn addict.... Too bad he was such a prideful loser he couldn't talk to anyone about whatever it was.. even the one person who loved him beyond all else.

Okay, so I'm totally bored with facebook, so I am going back to the blog thing.
I know. I have said I was going to keep up with it several times now...
and my last post was on May 10th. !
Well the whole getting divorced thing has sort of derailed any semblence of order my life was supposed to have, so I have been trying to get back on track....
with limited success.
I have great days when I have a head full of plans.. things I want to accomplish and ideas galore.
I have days when I can not focus at all and everything makes me cry.
and then I get mad at myself .
So
I am about on par for the course ... according to the experts.
and the days keep going by... no matter what you do....

Okay. I've really got to make an effort to keep up with this blog better. I have decent internet at home now and I will try to post more often.

This is a very cool technique I learned at my last stamp club meeting. One of the latest hot items in the stamping world is the "glimmer spray mist". They have varying degrees of color, and a little bit of lovely shimmer.
The cool accessory to this is a re-useable plastic mask, avail in various shapes... which you can spray over and sponge over. These are a few of my first attempts...it's a shame the scans can't show you the cool shimmery effect. I also used clear glaze on portions of the blue one...I made a very cool one with a fish/sea design... which I have already sent to my Mother for Mother's Day, and didn't get a chance to scan. No worries. I can make another one!